(crs) The Newest Ex- Mr. Spears (or: Move Over K-Fed!)

Howdy folks! It's been awhile, and what better way to get things cracking than a little teen celeb trash? So...

Guess who's preggers? Jamie Lynn Spears - aka Britney 2.0 - the younger Spears sis. Because I no longer watch Nickelodeon for anything but Spongebob Squarepants I had no idea that Jamie was a teen star. I also had no idea she was 16.

Yup! The good ol' Spears DNA kicks in again! It's a tiny mutation on the X chormosome that causes females of the Spears persuasion to wonder to themselves "Hm, I'm young and successful and managed to claw my way out of white trash obscurity before getting my first period... now how can I fuck it all up?"
And fuck it up she does, ladies and gentlemen, because Jamie Lynn has proudly announced that she's KEEPING IT!

In such deja-vu situations I always find myself doing a little bit of mental rewinding, if for no other reason than to slaver over what delightful headlines we'll be seeing in the next few years...

1) "SPEARS (VERSION 2.0) LEAVES CHILD IN CAR SEAT ON DRIVE HOME"
2) "SPEARS 2.0'S CHILDREN FOUND NAKED AND ALONE WITH ONLY TWINKIES TO EAT"
3) "MOTHER OF SPEARS 2.0 DEFENDS DAUGHTER'S PARENTING - 'At least she's not Britney!'"
etc........

Personally I couldn't be more excited about the whole mess, mostly because Jamie's baby-daddy is waaaaaay hotter than K-Fed.


His name is Casey Aldridge, he's 18, and quite frankly I wish I was pregnant with his child too. On the other hand, I'm looking forward to reviewing the razor-like wit contained in the soundbytes this Mississippi savant is sure to soon set afloat in the media. If he's hotter than Federline, then he's probably also more of an idiot, so my guess is that barring her giving the child a bottle of moonshine before nap time, Jamie just might hold on to this one.

Jamie's going to raise the upcoming child back home in Louisiana so it can "live a normal life." HA!, that's the best one yet.

--booziebee

(crs) It's not me, it's you!

So I was surfing youtube to find the best mockeries of Miss Teen South Carolina's speech about Americans and their grasp of world affairs (read: pure irony), and instead stumbled across a collection of absolute short-film gems!

They are a series of shorts featuring "The Most Awkward Boy In the World". My favorite:

Sure, I wouldn't mind massaging awkward boy myself, but it's hilarious, no?

I also recommend the shorts featuring him riding an elevator, enjoying a hot tub, and paying a fare.

These clips' sheer comedic superiority over any half-wit South Carolinian's bumblings only go to show one thing - New York's sheer superiority over everything. That's right, Awkward Boy is in New York, as am I, and we're better than you.

Unless you're a New Yorker too. In which case, congrats man! Aren't we cool?

-booziebee

PS - Fuck, I couldn't really resist taking my own quick kick in Miss Teen Idiot's cretinous ribs. You might as well educate yourself as to why:



Apparently these people couldn't help but kick her as well:



America - We've really got a good thing going on!

(crs) Ladies, I hope you wore your bvds, because it's HIGH KICK TIME!

If there's sometime that we continually find in life, it's new equations that equal "gay". Whether it be something simple like fratguy + booze, or more complex like new years hotel celebration + marie antoinette movie on payperview + ecstacy + gaping face wound, it all ends the same. Gay. Here's a new one I just found:

Diana Ross + Vegas + the 1970's

Please see below


I hope you watched that video with some respect, because at least three quarters of those dancers have since contracted/died of AIDS.

That's right, free love + horribly deadly communicable virus + 30 years = bummer.


-booziebee

(crs) Thar she blows!

World's fattest man. He happens to be Mexican. Come on people, I'm really tossing you a lob here, can you please make fun of this person? I'm thinking Jabba the Hut. I'm thinking the tastefully pulled piece of cloth over the crotch (like Senor Fatso's dick has seen the light of day since 1982). Anything! I'd mock the creature myself, but I need to make another trip to the restroom to vomit whatever's left of my stomach contents.


-booziebee

(crs) Yup yup

Is it wrong that I masturbated to this video?


Oh, wait, I meant...
This guy sucks! Take that, establishment!

-booziebee

GRAND RE-OPENING - EVERYTHING is ON SALE!!!

Ahoy hoy! We of the hive must apologize to our faithful fan base - as the spring months blossomed into full verdance we had to desert the blog to do what bees do best. In the case of boozybee and honeypotbee, we moved to New York City. I know, you were thinking I was going to say we all went out to make honey. Such was not the case. Male bees don't make honey, stupid.

Now that we have relocated we are ready to dive back in! Here to help us celebrate the grand re-opening gala of BeeInACar is Jem and the Holograms, covering a delightful Le Tigre song.



Thanks Jem!

With our newly found New York attitudes you can expect just the same crass, insensitive, and highly cultured commentary that has made BeeInACar precisely what it is today.

So gettoudahere, but come back soon!

-boozybee

(cam) You wanna piece of me, boy?

In the beginning there was Starcraft. And Starcraft was with God, and in Korea Starcraft was God.

And now, there is Starcraft 2.



The greatest and most enthralling multiplayer game of all time, the game into which I have poured more hours of my life than any other, the Nexus at the heart of computer gaming about which all other games seem as mere pylons, is about to have a sequel.

And will people complain? They will. I remember the time before Diablo 2 came out when Blizzard message forums reeked of ill-thought complaints and naggish whining over the great unborn product. I am sure that Starcraft, whose apex crested tenfold the height of even Diablo 2, will usher in a storm of naysaying likewise more intense. It matters not. Starcraft 2 is coming.

Enjoy these three videos of mighty Protoss vehicles in action!

Part I
Part II
Part III

En Taro Adun!

(mau) Death Valley Here I Come!

Coachella is here my friends! And this lucky bee will be joining the swarms to infest california's finest polo grounds. Now I know what you're thinking: Susan Bee is going to get so fried from the pot brownies and the karaoke bar's overpriced concoctions that she won't remember the good times. To which I will reply, you don't know me and you don't know Coachella. This ain't your mama's crazy cootch of a Woodstock nor is it the faboulously domesticated heifer of a Bonnaroo.
My fellow buzz brothers could and probably would go all out, however, I prefer to be mildly sober while I engage my senses to a musical feast. I will be your eyes, ears, and wings as I scope the lobe of Coachella's fine and sexy brain. Coachella starts for this little pollinator at 3:00am tomorrow's today and will end Monday night when I return to this boring desert I've learned to resent so much. I've been in the hive too long and now it's time to take a holiday in scorching heat. Mmmm....sounds nice. So cross your antannae and hope that I didn't forget to bring anything important like sunblock or beer.


This is a year is a year among years: GIRLTALK, Manu Chao, the reformation of RATM (for pure nostalgic purposes Marcelo, I know that you've got your powdered nose upturned right now), Jesus and Mary Chain, Grizzly Bear, Roky Erikson, and lord knows I am no fool, look for yourselves, I'm not writing it out.




If some of you dear readers are going, give me a shout(some of you know what this uptown vag looks like )! But if you're not there, it's your own damn fault. You have my condolences for the moment. However, when I see those palm trees in the distance and feel the californian sun hit my vampire flesh, then all is forgotten.
This is my third trek to Indio and like all good bees out there, I wouldn't miss this for the biggest and juiciest orchid you could procure for me.

Good bye my honey producers, my sweet friends of flowers, until we meet again...
-Mauro from the Liquid Mountains