These days, the halls of American politics are choked by the cloying hands of selfishness and greed, but there are more than simple hands wrapped around the throat of lady liberty. Slowly the rank and dripping tentacles of the Pro-Squid Lobby (PSL) have coiled in a strangle hold around truth, and the American public is left blind and confused, soft enough to be gnashed to ribbons by a hideous beak. Behold what the PSL is marketing to our children!
They would have the next generation of America grow up thinking of Giant Squid as brightly colored plush little friends that can be invited over for tea and Lil' Debbie snack cakes! What the PSL neglects to show you is the subsequent frame.
Where did the poor child go? Use your own judgement, but to me it looks like the monster hasn't quite finished masticating her lower extremities yet. Cuddly time? Not exactly.
And yet, there is hope. After their recent heroic slaying of a Colossal Squid, red-blooded New Zealanders are doing the only sensible thing - tossing that mother fucker on the heat! Yes, the Kiwis are making a gigantic microwave oven, and they are cooking up a big 'un. This article describes the planned culinary adventure in more detail. Note how the insideous Pro-Squid Lobby has even managed to distort our national news media - the passage entered about how vile the squid would taste is clearly just crafty misdirection. Clearly the beast will taste of shallots and white wine with notes, I'd imagine, of tumeric. Only New Zealanders will know for sure, though, whilst impotent America languishes in weak ignorance at the whim of the PSL.
My concern for our country knows no bounds, but I know that with unflinching dedication to the truth we will open America's eyes. Thank you for your support.
Eight tentacles bad, two legs good!
-Chris
PS - seriously, this website sickens me.
1 comment:
Don't be mad, but I just blew $1500.00 on a fifteen foot tall plush velvet squid. Oopsie!
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