People throw the word "bitch" around these days with indiscriminate carelessness. "I'm such a bitch!" - you hear it all the time. In fact, what these girls should be saying is "I'm a dumb Jersey girl with daddy-issues and a bad attitude!" or "I'm letting my period show!" Get real, whores! It takes flair, dedication, and natural talent to truly become a BITCH. In case you forgot, I'm profiling important bitches in history. Let these hardcore bitches take you to school...
Eleanor of Aquitaine
Back before Beyonce was an independant woman, ladies like Eleanor were doin' it for themselves. She gave birth to a coterie of royal children, staved off a hostile husband, and occupied the seat of the largest European power at the time for longer than any of her male contemporaries. Also, word on the street is she liked scat porn.
Brett Somers
Also the original faghag, Brett handled her shit on the vintage television show The Match Game. She held her own on stage with the uber-fab Charles Nelson Reilley, zany Nipsy Russell, and the roguishly charming Richard Dawson. They all smoked, made saucy double-entendres, and in general had an excellent time. When chubby Paul Williams made a joke at Brett's expense, she sold him into white slavery.
Ru Paul
'Nuff said.
So take a page from the books of these three leading ladies. No more Nicole Ritchie weak-ass bitchiness. Get your shit together, get those stilletos clicking, and learn from the females who invented the word.
-Chris
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